reboot: The Two Extinct Royal Species — Maybe Three…

We would report the Royal Mailman has become extinct in a dramatic timespan. With it’s future uncertain we ask, should the Royal Mailman be preserved in the confines of the Palace or in community-controlled captivity?

Many disgruntled royal subjects recall the benefits of having a Royal Mailman at their door twice a day and told us: “Where is a postman when you need one? We hoped that day wouldn’t come too soon, but here we are”.

We say if such predicament occurred, the richer the better to afford your own Royal Mailman with authenticity certificate signed by HRH ER II. Or if you’re poor and just, use Amazon and forget it.

The Royal Butler seen as more extinct in the past, has taken unsanctioned strides towards independent living supported by years of acquired knowledge tabloids are after.

As we report, a number of royal butlers can’t keep mum outside the confines of the Royal Palace and there are fears this stance could spread to country manors and clubs. In the age where blackmailing your master or mistress isn’t the done thing – because talking to the media is more lucrative; new privacy laws and sharing the guilt of being ‘the last dodo on Earth’ could easily topple the Royal Butler into extinction, again.

Should the last few dodos on Earth choose to buck the trend and swap the cosy confines of the Palace for the joys of blowing one’s whistle in public, the predicted extinction could lead to the death of the age-old adage, ‘the butler did it’. In this situation, it did,… though previously it didn’t but it was important to have at hand someone to blame around your palace, manor house or what have you. ‘The butler knows it all’ or ‘the butler’s on to us’, is not quite in the same vein and ‘the postman always rings twice’, is not in the same spirit!.

A Royal Butler we cannot name told us complicitly: “…We overheard a Royal Prince say, by accident of course, I wish we were more like everyone else, not in need of a butler every 5 minutes like the old cows. If our princes feel this way at times, how do you think we do?”.

The retort from the royalist camp states that the Royal Butler should not be allowed to become extinct or mutate into a whistleblower: “We can’t have royal butlers running around in the real world where they can easily fall prey to the media and spill the beans at a cost to their masters. As attested by hundreds of years of history, the Royal Butler could only survive happily at the pleasure or displeasure (as we know now) of his master or mistress”.

The Royal Household came out to clarify there is no proof of natural extinction within the confines of the Palace. This suggests, the Royal Butler is safely protected and confined, but the Royal Mailman will still live and walk… in the wild. And the princes?… They will have to make up their mind.